Long Time

I guess I haven't really blogged in a long time. Its not that I don't have anything to say, but I guess I just sort of feel that if you see me if you haven't noticed, heard or bothered to ask, I don't see the point in telling you. Same of I know you but don't see you, its not that hard to text back once and awhile. And if you don't know me at all, telling you is a waste of time. But I sort of guess it woudn't hurt to share a little with you. I've been hurting and its been bad. Its not just one of those low down angst ridden days, or period of days. People are bashing me down into those awful, painful moments. When reading this on the outside its easy to think, or even tell me to not them get to me. But its hard. Its so fucking hard. I don't know what to do. My life has turned into an awful game of dominos. (the fake kind that you push over) First it was my family, then some of my friends and today my teacher. The one person I thought would always listen, yelled at me for something i asked he to do. I don't even know what to fucking do anymore. I just want to screw it all and walk away but I can't quite do that. One place is my house, and the other the ones that I thought I could always turn to, express my opinion but I guess I was wrong. And the third if I don't go I'll fail and then if I do fail I'd be deeper in trouble at home and it'd probably just start the dominos on another awful level. I don't know why anyone's mad. I didn't do anything intentionally, and if I did I'd like to know so I can fix it. If it's because I've been quite and kept to myself its just because I can't carry out a normal conversation without CRYING. One of us says something like family, friends, brother, morning, mother, my house or stress I will cry. And theres nothing I can do to stop. If you're reading this and you want to know more, just ask me straight out. Everyone in the school of whom I see everyday, even just in the hallway has seen me cry so its nothing speacial. I'd like to end with a poem I wrote in class.

What if the world was blind for a day?

Enclosed in total darkness,

Other senses coming into effect.

Unaware sight would return,

Grasping for basic needs.

Understanding what others feel.

Unable to fight.

Becoming aware,

Recalling happy colorful times into memory.

Not sure what to do,

Able to sit and think.

Unable to work.

Families concerned grow closer together.

When sight returns,

Seeds of peace will have been planted.

Colors seeming more vibrant.

The simpliest sketches works of art,

And everyone more appreciative of what they see and know.

If I had one wish I would indeed

Wish for the world to be blind.

Sort of dumb. But its how I'm feeling right now. Peace.