The Many Josies

Hello again. I guess I sort of haven't blogged alot lately. I don't have much to say, but also at the same time I do? I guess that must not make very much sense... Thats ok. I think I'll just blurt out my thoughts. Do you ever have those days where either everythings spinning insaningly fast or terribly slow? My life has sort of been like that. I don't know if its good or bad. But there have always been different Josies and somehow they've been able to keep themselves straight and know which one is the real Josie. But lately its been getting harder. The lines of Josie are starting to blur and she, or they are confused. I think that it may be because of the mental block that she's, or rather I have set up. I look at my life as a third person, not through my own eyes. I can't really help that everythings been blocked out. Its just something I've always done. When, its subconcouis, I can't handle emotional aspects I pull out. There are two stages of this, one is where the crazy, out-there-more-than-usual-one who laughs at things that aren't funny in the least to cover up tears, and then there's the quite one. Thats when things are really bad. The quite one is trying to dig deep to find some sort of emotion, this one always feels like vomiting. Always. No one really like this one. She has the exact oppisite emotions of how one of her friends put it. She doesn't see just the flaws in people, she sees everything they are. Every last little detail. And all she can see in herself is the flaws. Or she sees reality for the cold harsh truth it is. How everyone says drama sucks but it spreads like wild fire and all she can do is keep from crying. But there still is no sincere emotions... Just gray zones. She doesn't want to be a pity case with everyone asking if it was them, or if there's anything they could do. She just wants to be blown away into the wind. Maybe thats the real Josie. The real me, and everything else is just acting. Save your breath, don't comment, don't bring it up. You just needed to know.