Teenage Angst.

For once I am insaningly angry. I'm not crying like I normally do. I just want to punch someone in the face. HARD. I'm not mad at anyone really. Its just weird. I feel the sudden need to go and punch something. Or kick. I think I'll stay away from my bathroom wall this time. Although when that foot sized hole happened it was a crying thing. Too much teenage angst is filling my head to really manage writing much else. I want to vent as to why I'm mad but all of the sudden I'm not mad any more. I REALLY want to go swimming. Well. I guess thats what it's like to be a teenager. Awkward, awful and full of suprises. :)

Two Simple Thoughts

I updated my playlist. As you can probably tell. But I am pretty much in love with Scooter. (They have like six songs on my not-so-big playlist.) In my opinion, they are comparable to that of the B52's, the way the main dude sounds when he's singing. Its more of a sing-talk sort of thing. Plus they remix old songs in to a more techno thing. Its way cool and I strongly encourage you to look them up. :)

In addition to that. Lately I have really been wanting a hug! Not a friend hug, just like a good hug from someone who doesn't nessicarily have the socail "reponsibility" to do so. That'd be nice. So if anyone who's reading this is in need of a hug like I am, lets meet up and we can hug.(This could easily be wrongly interpreted) Don't know me, who I am, where I live or how to reach me? Sucks to be you. I'm not going to hug someone I met over the internet. Sorry. I want to go into detail about my imagintation and I's latest sexual intercourse experience, but it's sort of girly and a waste of time to explain. But I can say one thing about it. River = Epic.

Well I guess there are three thoughts to put here... But I just got a text from 'Liza and lost my train of thought. Don't you hate it when that happens?

So I guess thats the 2.5 thought sequences I've been having that I wanted to share.

The Imagination Issue

So... In case you haven't heard, I divorced my imagination. (Sounds like I've finally cracked, doesn't it?) I should explain this metaphor-ic (is metaphoric an actual word?) divorce (I guess I didn't really need the ic, did I?) Anyways, my imagination and I were too close for it to be safe for me. We really were becoming like that married couple that cannot function when the other one is not within in site. It was bad. But. I was, and am, so tired of letting my imagination getting ahold of me and me being so let down when what happened in my head actually happen. And, even though I love my imagination so much, I had to divorce it. But its not like one of the offical divorces, where both come out hating each other. Metaphorically, we still screw each other rather frequently. (ALL THE TIME) But now there's no heavy relliance. Along with divorcing my imagination, I decided to expect the worse or nothing from everyone. Sounds awful, working out brillantly. Everytime something happens that isn't the worse I'm pleasantly suprised. Which is pretty cool. Well I sound absolutely insane... But. I guess thats who I am at this point. :)

Developements in Motion

So, I know all teenagers, all people even are constiantly changing. It's all a learning expirence. I get that. But are we remebered for who we are or who we're becoming. I don't understand that. When people I've gone to elementary school with think of me, do they see the crying second grader or the current Josie? In fact when I think of myself which do I think of? Maybe, just because I've know myself the longest, and the best I would see it all. All of the memories and expirences that have molded and shaped my being into who I am. So maybe, to myself, I am a more well rounded, well thought out person that I come off to be. I don't think I care what people think of me, or rather not as much as some do. Admittidly, we all care in some form. And I am no exception to this. But I don't think its nessicarily bad to want to know. (I guess curosity and caring vary from person to person, so to some I may be caring what people think, or I may be simply curious as to what people are thinking. But to me being curious would count as caring. Not nessicarily on the same scale but caring nonetheless.) For me, I'm not even sure how I think what I think of people. I think my thoughts are generally self centered and the thoughts I have about people are based off of the expirences I have directly and indirectly had with that person. It's a difficult concept to wrap one's mine around... Maybe this isn't as complicated as I think it is and it's merely my thoughts that are so complex.... Who knows?

Just Thoughts I Guess...

Why are some people so mean? Is it really that hard to be nice? I guess at times there are logical reasons to be mean, but seriously. Maybe just take the stick out of your ass and calm down. (This isn't really going to anyone in particular.) Who knows. I don't know if I think bad days cut it out to be mean. Well I guess if someone died.... Maybe... Being nice doesn't take that much effort.....

Why do hormones just not make sense? They should. Or I should be able to read minds or teleport or something. Because I miss him. And I don't know it I should or not... But I still do. Who knows if he misses me though. (Watch as he reads my blog for the first time and stumbles upon this little angst-ridden observation.)

Why does everyone strive for this "perfect" sense of self? Isn't it our flaws that make us unique and human even? I guess there's no harm in trying to be a better person. Whether that be through doing well in school or helping other people. Whatever. But why do people try and spend time with people they don't like just for the sake of being "one of them" even if it makes them miserable?

Maybe I'm missing some gaint hunk of information as to why people do these things, or maybe you're equally lost within the world as I am.

Debate Camp

I've been in Walla Walla Washington, at a three week debate camp. Tomorrow's the close of the actual camp and then I come back to Utah. I guess thats all I really have to say. Well except distance really sucks. Other than that I'll blog later... I guess?