Tonight

Tonight my mom has her book group over for a dinner. I rather enjoy these women, but I'm not really supposed to come upstairs and mignle about with them. I am supposed to be downstairs with my dad and brother but I think I will stowe away in our computer room for awhile. One of the great things that comes from my mom's book group meeting is that for the next few days we will have AMAZING leftovers. I am already looking forward to lunch tomorow. Although I'll end up eating it in the locker room after gym like I always do but thats ok. That means I won't have to share. But anyways I've been thinking alot lately about some certain things. It's probably just things that teenagers do, or at least thinking about them. I wonder if I make myself understandable when it comes to the topic of drugs. Although I would never do them myself, mainly because I don't want to end up like some of my relatives who cannot stop and have lost everything to their addiction I'm not exactly opposed to other people using them. In fact I don't think it truly bothers me in any way. I don't mind if some one wants to hang out when they're high, as long as they're not mean when they are. (I've seen that happen) But also at the same time, I feel like I should advise people to stop. I don't want them to get hurt. I don't even know why I care so much. I've just seen the extremes of what that stuff can do and it scares me that some of my friends could be headed down that same path. Sometimes I wonder if they themselves have truly seen these horrible fates. I guess what this means is that if I encourage you to not do these things it means I care. It may not make perfectly clear what I mean, because if its what you have to do to get away then you should, but in moderation and with people that wouldn't hurt you. But at the same time every fiber in my bodies screaming at me to stop whoever is going to do it, "They might get hurt, remember what happened?!" I'm not just writing these things so people will like me, or think I'm "chill" or whatever; this is truly how lost I am in this situation... I want to help but mostly I want to trust people not to get hurt. But I trusted before and it didn't end very well. So if you're one of the people who are into this kind of thing, just know, I'm not sure whats going through my head either....